.. missing home

So i'm sitting in class today and start talking to a buddy, and I realize that all people see are the results and not the process it gets there. If you ever take a moment to eavesdrop on your fellow classmates right before an assingment is due, you will hear a mountain of "quotable" excuses. But lately, i guess i've started to "slack," for lack of a better term. I'm finding it so hard to see the point of working so hard for something, when no one seems to appreciate it or thinks it comes so easy to me.
I know that we must do everything for the glory of god, but i'm finding that so hard. Lord, i just dont know how much longer I can pull through. I know I am so blessed, but i miss the comfort of home, i miss my GENUINE friends (i dont use that word lightly), do you ever find it funny how at 16 every teenager is begging to get out of the house, never to come back again. Now, irony strikes, with every passing moment I miss my sister, KG and all you other guys. It's just not the same out here. I come home and i can only find comfort in God, and my music (sometimes not in that order, it's bad i know) So you guys just mean the world to me, You really don't truely appreciate what you have till you loose it. .. It's weird, i've worked harder out here on music, on composing, on violin and worship. I've gone from always being in control, to following, and i've done worship consecutively for a month and a half (Praise God for that oppurtunity) but it just doesnt feel the same. I'm no longer as encouraged by it as I used to be, i can't find that feeling of accomplishment. It just comes and goes, i still pour my heart out in worship, yet the crowd never responds. I think all the prep work i do is almost meaningless, all the hours speant practicing can be ruined in the blink of an eye. All the hours speant composing is rendered into 3 minutes of "oh thats so pretty" but i dont know. maybe i should just find pride in my work, and not what other think about it.

So this week begins the marathon of finals, and food. Probably not such a good combination. I'm looking forward to doing True Colours, i've discovered some voices here comparable to our Jazz Choir back home! The computer clock reads 53 hours speant re-arranging this thing!!!, so i hope it goes well.(Sonya, i thought about you all of those hours and them some, i wish you were here to sing it!! Gao Gao misses u!!) Hopefully it will be half as good!! but this group hasnt reharsed, only two of us have had vocal training! and well thank God for them..

When it's all said and done, God is amazing, and i just hope i never loose sight of that.:

.. How did i ever fade into this lie,
I never want to let you die..
Forgive me if I, slip away

February Song - Josh Groban

My new favourite song for the week, it brings so much meaning into what i feel i'm going through right now. I'm just dropping into a place where I only find happiness through the people around me, and the happiest times i have are when i'm around them. Yet, when it's 2am in the morning and i'm sitting in my studio, i feel nothing but emptiness and a void. Hopefully, seeing some familiar faces, and some hugz from my mui mui will fix all those things.. (throw in some more prayers, and maybe we'll have a good start). well its time to finish arranging music!..

---Dont Cry beacuse it's over, Smile because it happend ---

FINALY DONE!!

.. so this week is finally coming to a close... THANK GOD.... its just been so incredibly long and stressful.. but well i'm finished recording, and really excited to hear the final product. Doing worship again tomorrow and eee.. is all i can say.. just have to hand everything to God, and hopefuly he takes care of it. but on a better note tehre is FOOOD tmrw nite at mr. Hirams!! so that can only mean GOOD things!!.. quite excited for that!!.. and in the mean time back to working on True Colours..

"So dont be afraid, to let them show, you are beautiful like rainbows..."

Cheerss..

the pain of loss...

"it's been so long since i've met you here"

so true. as much as i hate to admit, this week has been so insanely long and emo i dont even know where to begin. After reading stephs blog i decided to start dumping my feelings into the world of this "internet" people keep on talking about. so i just wanted to post this, thank you God for everything. I find myself always needing to constantly reminding myself to do that, everything belongs to him, and without him i would have nothing. I took a long overdue break today, and steped back and reminisced and thought about the past two years and its gone by so fast, i;ve been able to do things that people only dream about, yet i dont appreciate it. i need to learn so much,

So today saw the completion of my three lullabyes to three gorgeous girls, that just inspire me in their own unique way. I think this month will be time for me to take a hiatus from writing, the circumstances just demand i rite a super emo song. and i really dont want to...

this week i lost someone that i've speant the better part of two years with. and i just hope God takes things in his hands, and takes it from my heart..... but it hurts.. and thats tat

"its the wrong time and place, to be thinking of you" - Damien Rice

Things to be thankful: (this week)
London
Amabile / Primus
Six-Man/WOman Harmonic God of Wonders
Inches/ Midnites/ and Cups of Coffee
Steph (and an awsome freind, her mom's cooking)
Tiff (a very short foutain that overflows with wisdom)
Kchow ( teh voice that brings storng men to their knees)
Joe (for unnecesary flourishments, and skin pounding)
Gav ( for BB and being an all around good guy)
Shawni .. for inspiring so much of the music and so much love

well i'm done.. its like past midnite. and i must go practice.!! cheers
Wayne