So i'm sitting in class today and start talking to a buddy, and I realize that all people see are the results and not the process it gets there. If you ever take a moment to eavesdrop on your fellow classmates right before an assingment is due, you will hear a mountain of "quotable" excuses. But lately, i guess i've started to "slack," for lack of a better term. I'm finding it so hard to see the point of working so hard for something, when no one seems to appreciate it or thinks it comes so easy to me.
I know that we must do everything for the glory of god, but i'm finding that so hard. Lord, i just dont know how much longer I can pull through. I know I am so blessed, but i miss the comfort of home, i miss my GENUINE friends (i dont use that word lightly), do you ever find it funny how at 16 every teenager is begging to get out of the house, never to come back again. Now, irony strikes, with every passing moment I miss my sister, KG and all you other guys. It's just not the same out here. I come home and i can only find comfort in God, and my music (sometimes not in that order, it's bad i know) So you guys just mean the world to me, You really don't truely appreciate what you have till you loose it. .. It's weird, i've worked harder out here on music, on composing, on violin and worship. I've gone from always being in control, to following, and i've done worship consecutively for a month and a half (Praise God for that oppurtunity) but it just doesnt feel the same. I'm no longer as encouraged by it as I used to be, i can't find that feeling of accomplishment. It just comes and goes, i still pour my heart out in worship, yet the crowd never responds. I think all the prep work i do is almost meaningless, all the hours speant practicing can be ruined in the blink of an eye. All the hours speant composing is rendered into 3 minutes of "oh thats so pretty" but i dont know. maybe i should just find pride in my work, and not what other think about it.
So this week begins the marathon of finals, and food. Probably not such a good combination. I'm looking forward to doing True Colours, i've discovered some voices here comparable to our Jazz Choir back home! The computer clock reads 53 hours speant re-arranging this thing!!!, so i hope it goes well.(Sonya, i thought about you all of those hours and them some, i wish you were here to sing it!! Gao Gao misses u!!) Hopefully it will be half as good!! but this group hasnt reharsed, only two of us have had vocal training! and well thank God for them..
When it's all said and done, God is amazing, and i just hope i never loose sight of that.:
.. How did i ever fade into this lie,
I never want to let you die..
Forgive me if I, slip away
February Song - Josh Groban
My new favourite song for the week, it brings so much meaning into what i feel i'm going through right now. I'm just dropping into a place where I only find happiness through the people around me, and the happiest times i have are when i'm around them. Yet, when it's 2am in the morning and i'm sitting in my studio, i feel nothing but emptiness and a void. Hopefully, seeing some familiar faces, and some hugz from my mui mui will fix all those things.. (throw in some more prayers, and maybe we'll have a good start). well its time to finish arranging music!..
---Dont Cry beacuse it's over, Smile because it happend ---
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5 comments:
Awh, Wayne, don't be discouraged. Lift your eyes up to the Lord and He will grant you comfort and a sense of "completeness". You are so talented, and I know you put so much time, energy, and passion into your work. It shows, it really does. Keep your head up, and keep smilin' =)
Maybe you're looking in the wrong places for your "sense of accomplishment"... Ultimately you know where it comes from, there nothing people you're around can do to replace that.
I thank God for the talent he's given you and your willingness to serve, just never lose sight of the reason, and what you're striving for. He sees the time, the energy and the work you put into serving him even when others cant.
I envy that you miss home.. cuz i can't really say the same for myself.... London's become my home i guess...
Will be praying for you dude...
Hey Wayne,
I wanted to address something you wrote: "It just comes and goes, i still pour my heart out in worship, yet the crowd never responds. I think all the prep work i do is almost meaningless, all the hours speant practicing can be ruined in the blink of an eye. All the hours speant composing is rendered into 3 minutes of "oh thats so pretty" but i dont know. maybe i should just find pride in my work, and not what other think about it."
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I know this article is a little long, but every "lead worshipper" struggles with that situation, so I think it will be worth your time to read it. I read it a couple years ago, and when I did, my eyes were totally opened to my pride, my lack of reliance on the Spirit, my lack of expectance on God's power, and I realized what a "worship leader"'s purpose was:
Revelation and Response
Worship is always a response to a revelation. And as someone involved in leading worship, I find these two words "revelation" and "response" very helpful to delve into. What sort of revelation of God have we received? What sort of response does require or delight in? What kind of revelation do the songs we write, or choose, give to the people who sing them? Is there enough of God in the songs to awaken even tired, discouraged hearts to a meaningful response?
Pondering these two words is a definitely a helpful way to think about the way we worship. But the more I look at them, the more I realise I´ve paid more attention to one of them than the other. Too often, I approach a worship time much more mindful of the "response" element than of the "revelation" side of things. And I wonder if that isn´t the case for many other lead worshippers too.
I´ve been in worship times where it´s obvious the worship leader is consumed, above all else, with getting a "response". Not much is implied about the integrity and heart of the offerings. Instead comes a barrage of forceful encouragements to "shout/clap/dance" and anything else you can think of. Instead of focusing on bringing a true and meaningful overflow of the heart, it seems instead that we´re involved in some sort of spiritual disco competition, with a prize for the wildest participant. But wait. Am I so very different when I lead worship? Personally I don´t go for too much vocal instruction, but what´s going on inside my head when I lead?
Haven´t I led in meetings when, after every celebration song, my mind gets out the "clap-o-meter" to check if we´re on course? (After-all, if people clap at the end of each up-tempo song, that means we´re in for a good night, doesn´t it?!) Don´t I sometimes find myself sub-consciously scanning the congregational horizon for any sign of life? Some outstretched hands, perhaps? (That definitely means "it´s working"!) Next, as we move into intimate reverence don´t I sometimes squint through my half-closed eyes to see what other responses are happening - hoping to see at least one person on their knees?
Of course I´m exaggerating in all of these examples, but I hope my point is clear. Too often when I lead worship I´m driven by getting a good response out of the people. I want to see results. Now, all of these things are potentially good things - dancing, lifting up holy hands, clapping, and kneeling. But rather than being so desperate to see these things happen (or, God forbid, even trying to make them happen) I should be far more interested with what lies behind these responses (or the lack of them.) It´s a subtle distinction, but an important one for the mindset of any lead worshipper.
And that takes us right back to the "revelation" side of things. Before we get consumed with how people are responding, it´s good to be mindful of what they´re responding to. As worship leaders and songwriters, we need to pay more attention to the reasons for God´s worth in our writing and leading. What aspects of His wonders and splendour are we presenting for people to get their hearts into? How are we reminding hearts, minds and souls of the merciful acts that have been done for them, and the amazing grace that has been won for them? Now, of course, this isn´t just our responsibility - everyone involved in the service plays a part. But we must take our part of the role seriously. Instead of ever trying to work people up (however subtly) to some sort of response, let´s take a different approach. Let us bring songs so full of our glorious Jesus that they ignite a fresh fire and a heart-filled response from those who sing them. If we can somehow help usher people into a fresh revelation of Jesus during our worship times, I´m convinced the response will take care of itself. We will not be able to stand in the way of a passionate room of dancing, shouting, bowing, adoring lovers of God.
William Temple once wrote,
"Worship is to quicken the conscience by the holiness of God,
To feed the mind with the truth of God,
To purge the imagination by the beauty of God,
To devote the will to the purpose of God."
Notice how much of his definition of worship is centred around "revelation". Here´s a man that knew that if we could somehow get people involved in the holiness, truth and beauty of God, it would result in the devotion of the will to the purpose of God. Our whole lives poured out in worship. And that, in the end, is the ultimate response of any true worshipper.
Matt Redman
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I must admit that I have been guilty of using the "clap-o-meter" to try and gauge how well I'm leading the congregation and trying to MAKE people lift their hands, dance, and kneel before Him. I think that's what hit me most about this article. I was so concerned about getting a 'response' that I forget about the 'revelation' aspect. Recall that we're trying to be "an effective corporate worship team, aided and led by the Holy Spirit, skillfully combining biblical truth with music to magnify the worth of God and the redemptive work of Jesus Christ, thereby motivating the gathered church to join in proclaiming and cherishing the truth about God and seeking to live all of life for the glory of God." ( worshipmatters.com). How can people respond to Him if they haven't had a revelation from Him? How can people worship something that they have not seen or they don't know? Every 'worship session' that we help lead, we MUST paint an image of the "worth of God and the redemptive work of Jesus Christ" -- a revelation of God. Only then can we "motivate the gathered church" to respond to Him and Him alone. It is not our purpose to excite the fellowship with our musical playing and have them satisfied with our skill -- instead, our purpose is to accurately give a glimpse of the MASSIVE "worth of God and the redemptive work of Jesus Christ". When we remind them of what God has done in their lives and what Christ has done for them; there is no way to stop a thankful worshipper.
I hope that helps, Wayne, from one constantly-learning "worship leader" to another.
I've got one more article to attach after this (just so it won't get so long), but it's also another really good article.
I REALLY recommend reading them, after reading them, it really breaks my pride and puts me back on track to what the purpose of a "worship leader" is.
- C Luk
I hope that helps!
Here's the second article from www.worshipmatters.com:
I hope you're as blessed as I was when I first read them! I really learned a lot!!!
What Does a Worship Leader Do? Pt. 14
Yesterday I talked about the issue of motivating the church to worship God. Judging from the comments yesterday, I'd guess that this is an issue for more than a few leaders.
Kevin asked, "If you're leading worship and the people don't seem motivated to respond in worship, is that your fault?" The simple answer is no. It is every individual's privilege and responsibility to give glory to God regardless of what they're going through or who is leading them. But leaders can do things to hinder people praising God or refrain from doing things that could encourage them.
But first, we want to be careful how we define a "successful" time of corporate worship. Here are some potentially unreliable indicators:
• The people seemed excited.
• The music really flowed.
• Everybody was in tune.
• Everyone was raising their hands.
• No one was raising their hands.
• We nailed that new arrangement of Blessed Be Your Name.
• Everyone sang at the top of their voices.
• Quite a few people came up to me afterwards and said they were really blessed.
• No one complained.
• The joint was jumpin'.
Many of these statements MAY be an indicator that people are worshipping God, but none of them contain any objective standard that we can use as a measure. People can be excited for all the wrong reasons. Music can excite emotion apart from truth. Musical excellence isn't the same thing as worship in spirit and truth. People can act a certain way simply our to rote or because they fear man.
My goal when I lead people in worshipping God is to display, as clearly as possible, the magnificence, greatness, supremacy, and grace of the one true God, revealed to us in Jesus Christ. I want to use music, words, and physical posture to draw attention to His Word, His deeds, and His worthiness. That's something that I can purpose to do, prepare to do, and evaluate after I've done it.
If I'm seeking to draw attention to the greatness of God and people don't respond in a visible way (enthusiastic singing, physical expressiveness, obvious engagement), there could be a number of reasons. First, I might not be doing a good job of keeping the main thing the main thing. That is, I might be allowing secondary elements (music, video, sound) to distract them. Second, they might not be well taught on the place of expression and engagement in corporate worship. Third, they might be a large number of non-believers present. Fourth, musical settings or execution might be hindering or distracting people (music is too loud, playing is sloppy, etc.)
Hello Wayne,
That's kind of a funny way to "know of" someone. The words you used are probably a little harsh.
We've never been formally introduced, but we've met on several occasions such as Coffeehouse -- I was helping out at the soundbooth in the back corner -- and I sat across from KChow at Jack Astor's on Friday night after ACF.
I would hope that you're a person I can get along with! As I said, the way you stated it, seems a little harsh. I merely said that "I don't know [you] very well".
As for the "don't agree with the way [you] lead worship" aspect -- also, the use of words there are quite harsh. I was talking to Gavin and asked if he had anyone in mind that he wanted to serve with on worship team at ACF Winter Retreat and he listed you. I said, "Wayne should probably not be serving at ACF yet because I haven't been able to talk to him and he hasn't approached me yet." That did not imply a "not liking" aspect.
However, I disagreed with the direction you decided to take with "God of Wonders" at ACF Coffeehouse. I did not believe it was appropriate at the time to "make" the gathered 'congregation' sing out together. Remember that it is a "Coffeehouse" and that it is more of an outreach-based program which implies that there are quite a few non-Christians present, many who do not know the Lord, and will not be familiar with the songs or even with the subject matter. I'm sure you know what it's like to sing something and not mean it -- imagine an unbeliever trying to sing "God of wonders .. Hallelujah .. You are Holy" when they do not even know Him. They would be singing in vain. Their lips, their minds, and their hearts are not joined together and they do not know the greatness of His majesty. Thus, I did not feel it was appropriate to "command" the gathered group to 'sing along'. Songs in such a context are more likely used to plant a seed in people's hearts and to stir up thoughts and Biblical truth in their hearts and minds.
Therefore, it is not that I disagree with the WAY you lead worship, rather I disagreed with one decision that was made at Coffeehouse. The Spirit gives us all different gifts and various creative methods of displaying the glory of God to others -- the only way to "measure" the good/bad "ways" of people who "lead worship" are to look into Scripture and to see if it reflects qualities that are Biblical and ultimately God-glorifiying, and Christ-centered.
By no means am I saying that I am unfallible either!
I would hope that we can start on a positive note! I hope that what I wrote clears up any confusions or misunderstandings. It seems like you think that I "dislike" you, but that is not the case.
- C Luk
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